The Health Pyamid- Sleep part 3

The Invisibly Empowered Health Pyramid

PART THREE: SLEEP

Come Into My Bedroom

Okay, that still sounds wrong.

Let's try this again.

Come get ready for bed with me. 

In Part One, we talked about what your brain and body are actually doing while you sleep.

In Part Two, we talked about why spending eight hours in bed doesn't necessarily mean you're getting eight hours of restorative sleep.

Now it's time for the practical part.

What can we actually do to give ourselves the best chance of sleeping well?

I want to start with my own routine because I have spent years trying different things.

Some worked.

Some did absolutely nothing.

Some sounded amazing on a podcast and were considerably less amazing when I actually tried them.

And because I live with narcolepsy, my relationship with sleep has always been complicated. I don't share my bedtime routine because I've somehow perfected sleep.

Trust me. I have not.

I share it because over the years I've learned that I can't always control what my brain or body decides to do, but I cancreate an environment that gives them the best possible opportunity to rest.

And that became my sleep sanctuary.

Past Heather, Present Heather and Future Heather

One of the most meaningful things a coach ever had me do had absolutely nothing to do with mattresses, supplements or sleep trackers.

She had me frame three simple words:

Past Heather.Present Heather.Future Heather.

That frame still sits beside my bed.

At night when I'm tempted to answer one more email, finish one more thing, scroll for another twenty minutes or convince myself I'll only be a minute, I look at it and ask:

Will Future Heather thank Present Heather for this decision?

Usually I already know the answer because Past Heather has lived through it.

Past Heather knows what tomorrow feels like after staying up too late.

She knows the brain fog.

The exhaustion.

The frustration of waking up feeling like you're already behind before your feet have even hit the floor.

I love this little exercise because it changed sleep from something I was giving up time for into something I was giving my future self.

Going to bed became an act of self care.

My Bedroom Has One Main Job

Eventually I realized I wanted my bedroom to feel different from the rest of my house.

I wanted my brain to walk into that room and think:

We're done.

Not work.

Not emails.

Not solving everybody's problems.

Rest.

The science actually supports creating a bedroom that is cool, quiet and dark, and NIH sleep guidance also recommends establishing a relaxing bedtime routine.

My room stays around 65 degrees.

But I absolutely hate climbing into freezing sheets.

So here's my little contradiction.

Before bed, I turn on my heated blanket.

I let the bed get warm and cozy while the room stays cool, then I set the blanket to shut off after about an hour so I don't wake up feeling like I accidentally fell asleep inside an air fryer.

That combination has become one of the signals to my body that the day is ending.

Yes, I Have Strong Opinions About Sheets

I have tried what feels like every sheet on the market.

Expensive sheets.

Trendy sheets.

Sheets that promised they would completely transform my existence.

Want to know what I keep going back to?

Kirkland Signature sheets from Costco.

That's it.

No glamorous endorsement.

No $700 sheets hand woven by monks in the mountains.

Costco.

They're soft, comfortable and durable, and paired with my favorite duvet, my bed feels like somewhere I genuinely want to be.

I also sleep on an Awara mattress after trying more mattresses than I would like to admit.

At some point I realized something that should have been obvious.

We spend an enormous portion of our lives sleeping.

Why was I willing to invest money in things I used for an hour but viewed a comfortable mattress as an unnecessary expense?

Comfort matters.

That doesn't mean everyone needs an expensive mattress.

It means your sleeping surface should support your body.

The perfect pillow for one person may be terrible for another.

The perfect mattress for your friend might make your back hurt.

Your sleep sanctuary needs to work for you.

The Girl Who Was Afraid of the Dark Now Wears an Eye Mask

This still makes me laugh.

I used to be convinced someone was hiding under my bed waiting to grab my ankles.

Now I willingly put something over my eyes every single night.

Growth.

My eye mask has become one of my favorite bedtime essentials.

Darkness matters because light is one of the strongest environmental signals influencing our circadian system. Keeping the bedroom dark and reducing bright light around bedtime can help support the body's normal sleep and wake signals.

For me, the eye mask does two things.

It blocks light.

But it has also become a cue.

Eye mask goes on.

The day is over.

I Get Everything Out of My Head

This may be one of the most important parts of my routine because apparently my brain believes bedtime is the ideal time to remember everything I've forgotten during the previous twelve hours.

Tomorrow's appointments.

An email.

Something one of my daughters needs.

Something I need from Target.

A brilliant idea I suddenly absolutely must remember.

A conversation from three days ago that my brain has decided deserves a complete forensic analysis at midnight.

So I journal.

Sometimes I write about my day.

Sometimes I write down what I'm worried about.

Sometimes it's literally just tomorrow's to do list.

The point isn't to write anything profound.

The point is to tell my brain:

You don't have to keep holding this. It's written down.

One thing I almost always add is something good that happened that day.

It can be big.

It can be tiny.

Something funny one of my daughters said.

A conversation.

A beautiful sunset.

Something I accomplished.

A moment when I felt peaceful.

It's incredibly easy for our brains to replay everything that went wrong.

Looking intentionally for one good moment became my way of reminding myself that difficult days can still contain beautiful things.

And honestly, journaling has probably saved a few of my friends from receiving a midnight phone call while I verbally process every thought I've ever had.

You're welcome, guys.

Then Comes the Australian Man

When my mind really won't settle, I use the Insight Timer app.

There is a gentleman with an Australian accent whose guided sleep meditation has become part of my bedtime routine.

I couldn't tell you how most of the meditation ends.

That's actually the point.

In all the years I've listened to him, I think I've made it through the entire meditation once.

My thoughts wander.

I notice.

I bring myself back to my breathing and his voice.

Eventually, somewhere between worrying about tomorrow and listening to an Australian stranger tell me to relax, I fall asleep.

Relaxation techniques are included among NIH recommendations for supporting healthy sleep.

I don't think meditation has to look any particular way.

Maybe it's guided meditation.

Maybe it's breathing.

Maybe it's prayer.

Maybe it's calming music.

Maybe it's listening to a familiar audiobook.

The purpose is simply helping your nervous system understand:

We are no longer solving today's problems.

Magnesium, Water and My Extremely Glamorous Blistex Addiction

I also have a few tiny things that have become associated with bedtime.

I personally take magnesium glycinate because I find it relaxing. Supplements are not appropriate for everyone, though, and they can interact with medications or health conditions, so this is one of those things I would discuss with your healthcare provider rather than assuming something is harmless because it's sold over the counter.

I keep water beside my bed.

It's usually the last thing I drink at night and the first thing I reach for in the morning.

And then there is arguably the most medically groundbreaking part of my routine.

Medicated Blistex.

Every night.

For at least a decade.

I cannot stand dry lips.

At this point, putting it on has become another tiny signal to my brain:

We're finished.

And I think that is something people underestimate about bedtime routines.

Every part of your routine doesn't need groundbreaking science behind it.

Sometimes repeated behaviors simply become part of the transition between your day and sleep.

Brush teeth.

Wash face.

Blistex.

Eye mask.

Meditation.

Bed.

Your routine becomes familiar.

And familiar can feel safe.

Now Build YOUR Sleep Sanctuary

Please do not finish this article believing you need to order my mattress, drive to Costco, buy an eye mask, download my meditation app and begin a serious relationship with Blistex.

My sleep sanctuary works because it's mine.

Yours might look completely different.

So instead of giving you one perfect routine, I want to give you a menu.

Choose what makes sense.

Experiment.

Pay attention to how you feel.

Keep what helps.

Let go of what doesn't.

Start With Your Schedule

Consistency is one of the most basic things you can work on.

Try:

• Going to bed around the same time most nights

• Waking around the same time most mornings

• Keeping weekend sleep schedules reasonably close to weekday schedules

• Working backward from the time you need to wake up so sleep gets its own protected space in your schedule

• Setting a bedtime alarm, not just a morning alarm

• Creating a point in the evening when work officially stops

A regular sleep and wake schedule is one of the core healthy sleep habits recommended by NIH and CDC.

Work With Light Instead of Against It

Your eyes aren't the only things responding to light. Light is communicating timing information to your brain.

You could try:

• Getting outside during the day

• Getting natural light after waking

• Dimming lights as bedtime approaches

• Turning down the brightness on devices at night

• Avoiding bright overhead lighting right before bed

• Using blackout curtains if outside light comes into your room

• Trying an eye mask

• Covering or removing unnecessarily bright electronics in the bedroom

• Keeping nighttime bathroom lighting dim if you frequently wake during the night

NIH recommends daytime outdoor exposure when possible and a dark bedroom at night. CDC guidance also suggests reducing bright light around bedtime.

Make Your Room Feel Like Somewhere You Want to Sleep

Look around your bedroom.

How does it make you feel?

You might experiment with:

• A cooler room temperature

• Blackout curtains

• An eye mask

• Earplugs

• A fan

• White noise

• Comfortable bedding

• A pillow appropriate for your sleeping position

• A mattress that actually supports your body

• Removing clutter that makes the room feel chaotic

• Keeping work materials somewhere else when possible

• Moving the television out of the bedroom if it keeps you awake

• Keeping your phone away from the bed if you're a midnight scroller

• Making the bed inviting instead of treating your bedroom like the household storage unit

Your bedroom does not have to look like Pinterest.

It needs to help you rest.

Watch the Caffeine

This is a big one.

Caffeine doesn't disappear the moment you stop feeling its obvious effects.

NIH notes that caffeine can interfere with sleep and that its effects can last for hours, which is why late afternoon caffeine can still create problems at bedtime.

You might try:

• Moving your final coffee earlier

• Checking tea for caffeine

• Remembering that energy drinks count

• Checking pre workout supplements for caffeine

• Remembering that chocolate contains some caffeine too

• Experimenting with a personal caffeine cutoff time

• Reducing the amount if you are particularly sensitive

And please remember that people's sensitivity to caffeine varies.

The person drinking espresso after dinner and sleeping peacefully is not necessarily evidence that your 4 p.m. coffee isn't affecting you.

Alcohol Is Sneakier Than People Realize

This one surprises people because alcohol can make you feel sleepy.

That doesn't necessarily mean it's helping you sleep well.

Alcohol may make it easier to fall asleep initially, but it can contribute to lighter, more disrupted sleep later in the night.

If you're trying to understand your sleep, pay attention to what happens on nights when you drink.

Not judgment.

Just data.

Do you wake more?

Do you feel hotter?

Do you wake earlier?

Do you feel less refreshed the next morning?

Sometimes our own patterns teach us more than somebody else's perfect routine.

Think About Food and Fluids

Going to bed painfully full isn't particularly conducive to sleep.

Neither is waking up starving.

Things you can experiment with include:

• Avoiding very heavy meals close to bedtime

• Paying attention to foods that cause reflux or indigestion

• Eating a small snack if hunger regularly wakes you

• Drinking enough throughout the day

• Reducing large amounts of fluid immediately before bed if bathroom trips repeatedly wake you

NIH sleep guidance recommends avoiding large or heavy meals shortly before bedtime.

Move Your Body During the Day

Movement isn't just about weight.

Your body was designed to move.

Regular daytime physical activity is included in NIH recommendations for healthier sleep.

That doesn't mean everyone needs an intense workout.

Depending on your health and ability, movement might mean:

• Walking

• Strength training

• Yoga

• Stretching

• Dancing in your kitchen

• Swimming

• Gardening

• Taking the stairs

• Physical therapy exercises

• Five minutes of movement when that's what your body can handle

Something is still something.

Create a Wind Down Period

You probably wouldn't drive 70 miles per hour and then immediately throw the car into park.

But that's essentially what many of us ask our brains to do.

Work.

Text.

Parent.

Clean.

Scroll.

Solve problems.

BED.

Then we wonder why our brains aren't immediately unconscious.

Give yourself a transition.

Maybe that looks like:

• Dimming the lights

• Showering

• Taking a warm bath

• Washing your face

• Doing your skincare routine

• Stretching

• Journaling

• Reading

• Listening to calming music

• Meditation

• Breathing exercises

• Prayer

• Gratitude

• Making tomorrow's to do list

• Preparing your clothes for morning

• Making a cup of caffeine free tea

• Putting the house into "night mode"

• Turning notifications off

NIH specifically recommends using the period before bed for quieter activities and suggests relaxation techniques or a warm bath as possible components of a bedtime routine.

Give Your Phone a Bedtime Too

I know.

Nobody wanted this one.

You don't necessarily have to throw every electronic device out of your house at sunset.

But if your phone is the reason "I'm going to bed at 10:30" becomes "Why is it 12:47?" then the phone isn't exactly an innocent bystander.

Try:

• Charging it across the room

• Charging it outside the bedroom

• Turning on Do Not Disturb

• Setting app limits

• Putting social media apps somewhere less accessible on your home screen

• Switching to something calming before bed

• Setting an actual "phone goes down" alarm

• Leaving tomorrow's problems until tomorrow

Sometimes the most effective sleep technology is simply putting the technology down.

If Your Brain Won't Stop Talking

Give it somewhere else to put the thoughts.

Try:

• A brain dump

• Tomorrow's to do list

• Journaling

• Writing down your worries

• Gratitude journaling

• Guided meditation

• Progressive muscle relaxation

• Slow breathing

• Prayer

• Reading something calming

• Listening to a sleep story

• Listening to an audiobook you already know

The goal isn't to force yourself not to think.

If you've ever tried telling yourself:

DO NOT THINK ABOUT THIS

you already know how well that works.

The goal is creating somewhere for the thoughts to go.

Naps Are Individual

This deserves nuance.

For some people, late or long naps can make it harder to sleep at night, which is why general sleep advice often recommends limiting them.

But naps are also used strategically for certain people, including some shift workers and people with narcolepsy. NHLBI specifically notes that short naps can be part of symptom management for narcolepsy.

So once again:

There is no universal perfect sleep routine.

Your medical situation matters.

And Please Don't Turn Sleep Into Another Thing You Have to Be Perfect At

This is important.

You can become so obsessed with achieving perfect sleep that you're lying in bed thinking:

I have seven hours and forty three minutes left.

Now seven hours and thirty eight.

WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP?

Fantastic.

Now we're stressed about sleeping.

Sleep trackers can be useful.

Routines can be useful.

Data can be useful.

But your sleep doesn't need another performance review.

If you're trying to build healthier habits, aim for consistency, not perfection.

A Huge List of Things You Can Experiment With

If you want one place to come back to, here it is.

You do not need to do all of these.

Pick one or two.

During the Day

• Get natural daylight

• Spend some time outside

• Move your body

• Exercise regularly if you're able

• Pay attention to when you consume caffeine

• Eat consistently enough that you're not starving at bedtime

• Hydrate throughout the day

• Notice whether naps help or hurt your nighttime sleep

• Notice how stress affects your sleep

• Track patterns if you're trying to identify triggers

A Few Hours Before Bed

• Reduce caffeine if you're sensitive to it

• Pay attention to alcohol and how it affects your sleep

• Avoid extremely heavy meals right before bed

• Finish intense work if possible

• Lower the stimulation level in your home

• Start dimming lights

• Prepare for tomorrow so your brain doesn't have to keep remembering everything

• Write down unfinished tasks

During the Last Hour

• Reduce bright light

• Put the phone away

• Stop checking work email

• Shower or take a bath

• Change into comfortable clothes

• Do skincare

• Stretch gently

• Read

• Journal

• Pray

• Meditate

• Practice slow breathing

• Listen to calming music

• Listen to a sleep story or guided meditation

• Turn down the temperature

• Turn on white noise if helpful

• Make the room dark

In the Bedroom

• Keep the room cool

• Keep it dark

• Reduce noise

• Try blackout shades

• Try an eye mask

• Try earplugs

• Try a fan or white noise

• Find bedding that feels good to you

• Make sure your pillow supports your body appropriately

• Evaluate whether your mattress is contributing to pain

• Keep work out of the bed when possible

• Move bright electronics away from you

• Keep the path to the bathroom safe if you wake during the night

For the Overthinking Brain

• Keep a notebook next to the bed

• Write tomorrow's list

• Write down the thought you are afraid you'll forget

• Do a five minute brain dump

• Write three things that went well today

• Try guided meditation

• Try breathing exercises

• Try progressive muscle relaxation

• Listen to something familiar and calming

• Remind yourself that tomorrow's problems are allowed to remain tomorrow's problems

And perhaps my favorite:

Ask whether Future You will thank Present You for staying awake right now.

What If You Do All of This and You're STILL Exhausted?

Then I want you to remember Part Two.

A perfect bedroom cannot cure sleep apnea.

An eye mask cannot cure narcolepsy.

Meditation cannot fix every case of insomnia.

A new mattress doesn't correct every cause of chronic pain.

Sleep hygiene is important, but it has limits.

If you're consistently struggling to sleep, waking repeatedly, snoring or gasping, experiencing unusual behaviors during sleep, falling asleep unintentionally during the day or getting adequate opportunity for sleep and still feeling profoundly sleepy, talk with a healthcare professional. CDC and NIH both recommend seeking medical guidance when ongoing sleep problems are affecting you.

Sometimes self care looks like an eye mask and an earlier bedtime.

Sometimes self care looks like making the appointment.

Both count.

The One Small Yes

Look at that giant list and resist the urge to completely reinvent your life tonight.

Please.

That's exactly how we create a routine that lasts approximately three days.

Pick one thing.

Maybe you:

• move your phone away from the bed

• make the room darker

• stop caffeine earlier

• start journaling

• set a bedtime reminder

• lower your bedroom temperature

• get outside tomorrow morning

• create a ten minute wind down routine

• finally talk to your doctor about why you're still exhausted

Choose one.

Do it consistently.

Then build from there.

The goal isn't to become the world's greatest sleeper.

The goal is to give your body more opportunities to do something it already knows how to do.

From Surviving to Thriving

I spent years trying to fix my body.

Now I think much more about supporting it.

There's a difference.

My bedtime routine isn't perfect.

Sometimes I stay up too late.

Sometimes I scroll longer than I intended.

Sometimes my brain simply doesn't cooperate.

I still have narcolepsy.

I still have a body with its own opinions about what kind of night we're going to have.

But my sleep sanctuary became one way I could tell myself:

You are worth taking care of.

That's what I hope you take from this entire sleep series.

Not fear.

Not another list of things you're doing wrong.

And definitely not another wellness routine you're supposed to execute perfectly.

I want you to understand your body enough to work with it.

Sleep is not wasted time.

Sleep is not laziness.

Sleep is not something we earn after we've taken care of everybody and everything else.

Sleep is self care.

It's also biology.

It's necessary.

And sometimes one of the most powerful things you can do for tomorrow is decide that you've done enough for today.

Goodnight.

Future You will thank you.