Things That Actually Helped Me Regulate My Nervous System

For a long time, I didn’t even realize my nervous system was dysregulated. I just thought I was stressed, overwhelmed, emotional, exhausted… honestly I thought I was just “handling a lot.” Meanwhile my body was basically acting like I was being chased through the woods by a bear while I was simultaneously trying to answer texts, survive life, raise kids, keep everything together, and convince myself that functioning while anxious was somehow normal. The problem with survival mode is that eventually it becomes your normal. You get so used to being hypervigilant that you stop recognizing it. You get used to overthinking every little thing. You get used to constantly anticipating the next bad thing happening. You get used to carrying stress in your body for so long that calmness almost feels uncomfortable when you finally experience it. Honestly, I think a lot of people are living this way without even realizing it. I also think social media has completely romanticized healing and nervous system regulation. According to the internet, apparently all you need to heal is a beige matching workout set, cucumber water, ten-step morning routine, and the ability to wake up peacefully at 5 AM while journaling beside a candle. Meanwhile some of us are trying to heal while sitting in our car in the Target parking lot listening to a trauma podcast, emotionally support-shopping online, and wondering if magnesium glycinate can singlehandedly save our lives. Healing is usually much less aesthetic than people make it look. For me, one of the biggest shifts was realizing that you cannot overhaul your entire life overnight. I think that’s where people accidentally overwhelm themselves even more. They decide they’re going to fix everything at once and suddenly they’re meditating, grounding barefoot outside, dry brushing, cold plunging, deleting sugar, buying seventeen self-help books, listening to affirmations, and trying to become the most healed version of themselves within 48 business hours. Meanwhile their nervous system is absolutely panicking from the pressure of trying to “heal correctly.”

What actually helped me was starting small. Tiny, realistic things that slowly became habits over time. Years ago during coaching, someone had me put a little frame next to my bed that said: Past Heather. Present Heather. Future Heather. It sounds so simple, but honestly that tiny frame has helped me more than people probably realize. At night when I’m laying in bed doom scrolling and convincing myself I deserve “just twenty more minutes” on my phone while Instagram tries to convince me that another random wellness gimmick is finally going to transform my life, I’ll look over at that frame and think: “Is Future Heather going to be frustrated with Present Heather for staying up until 1 AM scrolling instead of sleeping?” Usually the answer is yes. Future Heather is exhausted. But what that frame really taught me was that self-care is less about escaping your life and more about investing in yourself. And I think a lot of us confuse the two. Sometimes we’re not actually resting. We’re numbing. We’re distracting ourselves. We’re overstimulating ourselves because sitting quietly with our thoughts feels uncomfortable. I know for me, there were years where slowing down almost felt unsafe because my nervous system had gotten so used to chaos. What helped me was understanding that healing doesn’t need to happen all at once. You start with one thing. You let that become comfortable, and then maybe eventually you add another. Maybe the first thing is simply going to bed earlier. Maybe it’s drinking more water. Maybe it’s taking a walk. Maybe it’s spending less time consuming things online that leave you feeling worse

about yourself. Maybe it’s listening to a podcast or audiobook in the car instead of automatically opening social media every spare second you have. We actually have more time than we think we do. I just think many of us have unintentionally become conditioned to fill every quiet moment with distraction instead of ourselves. And trust me, I understand it because I was doing it too. Another thing that really changed things for me was intentionally scheduling self-care into my life instead of waiting for the perfect moment to magically appear. Because honestly? It never does. You have to start treating your own well-being like it matters just as much as everyone and everything else in your life. You schedule it the same way you’d schedule appointments, dinner, errands, responsibilities, or taking care of everyone around you. You make it non-negotiable because constantly abandoning yourself eventually catches up to you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Over time I started becoming much more intentional about the things that regulated me instead of the things that drained me. I became more aware of how overstimulation, chaos, stress, negativity, lack of sleep, constant scrolling, toxic environments, and never allowing myself true rest were affecting my body. I also started leaning more into self-growth, mindfulness, nervous system regulation practices, holistic healing, eastern medicine, spirituality, movement, journaling, nature, and actually listening to what my body was trying to tell me instead of fighting against it all the time. That doesn’t mean my life suddenly became perfect because it absolutely didn’t. Healing isn’t linear. Some seasons still feel heavy. Some days I still catch myself slipping back into old patterns and needing to work harder at regulating myself again. But the difference now is that I actually have the awareness and tools to catch it. I recover faster. I give myself more grace. I protect my peace differently.

I no longer wear exhaustion like a badge of honor. And I’ve stopped believing that constantly living in survival mode is somehow proof that I’m strong. I truly think one of the most important things we can learn is that healing doesn’t have to happen dramatically. Sometimes it’s just a collection of small choices repeated consistently over time. Tiny decisions that slowly teach your body that it’s finally safe to exhale again. And honestly, sometimes slowly is exactly how real healing is supposed to happen.